


capsize

by viscaneymessi



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: He tries to fix things, M/M, after leo breaks neymars heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:59:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscaneymessi/pseuds/viscaneymessi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on the song: capsize by frenship</p>
            </blockquote>





	capsize

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't been active I've been traveling and dealing with family crap but I finally wrote something to hopefully get me back into writing. So PLEASE leave feedback on this to help me grow as a writer and encourage me to write more if you enjoy these shorter stories!!
> 
> As always, please be sure to comment any questions or just if you like the story! The support really helps :)... enjoy xx  
> p.s follow my tumblr blog: viscaneymessi (if you want to) :))
> 
> -Kiarra

The sun was about to rise. It was still dark, but he knew that it was almost morning, even without looking at his watch. He also knew that the man next to him would soon stir, awakening from his deep sleep, only to look up at him with his stupid doe eyes, lips forming the tired smile that he learned to hate. 

Jealousy filled the boy as he traced the outline of the other’s sleeping face with his eyes, while the setting moon casted it’s dying light upon his features. How dare this man sleep sweetly, while he couldn’t so much as close his eyes without feeling like the world was being ripped from under his feet. 

However, he passed the time by counting his eyelashes (two hundred and seventy six... he double checked) and memorizing the exact location of each blemish on his cheeks. He wanted to distract himself as much as possible to keep the guilt away. Leo knew, deep down, that he was taking advantage of him, his soul is ever-fleeting, slipping away with the sunrises, each kiss, every heartbeat inching closer to the day he breaks Neymar’s heart. 

 

That was two weeks ago, now all he does is lay awake at night, the ghost of Ney haunting him every time he closes his eyes. Memories sneak their way into his dreams, keeping him from finding any solace in sleep. 

Old feelings would hit him like a wave. Everything, from the way Neymar’s nails felt digging into his back when they made love, to the taste of his lips after they got drunk on champagne the night of New Year’s Eve, even the feeling of his hot breath on his neck in the morning made him sick. Leo admitted he was lonely, but only to himself. None of their teammates knew they had separated, he doubted most even knew they were together. That’s not what Leo cared about, the only thought that was in his mind was Neymar. 

The worst feeling in the world is knowing you fucked up, but not being able to fix it, a constant cycle of swimming against the tide only to find yourself back in the place you started. Sometimes Leo thought it would just be easier to give in, to let himself drown, but he knew he had to convince himself that he was fine and he would make it past it. 

 

Two weeks ago, even the thought of leaving Neymar caused the whole world to crash around him. So instead of just watching as his world crumbled, he coped, smashing every glass object in the cabinet above the sink. The glittering shards dancing down the wall like rain, forming mounds of sorrow and regret. An eye for an eye, they say.

All that time he spent destroying pretty plates and cups he was trying to convince himself that he was okay and his heart wasn't breaking.

Leo wanted to know why. Why he allowed such a beautiful and deadly creature to make a home inside his heart. Why he fell for the way a boy took his coffee or the way his leg bounced on the train home as he stares out the window. 

The way Neymar looked at him caused him to be envious of poets, because they seemed to be the only ones with the ability to explain exactly how he felt with, words he didn't know in a way that made even the illiterate understand. And Leo had never been good with words, but seeing Neymar made him wish he could describe how gorgeous of a monster he was. 

He knew, from the beginning, that the relationship was suicide for the soul, but he didn’t know if he was willing to be dragged into a relationship he wasn't sure he even wanted. Too much commitment. Too much feeling. Too much heartbreak. For Leo to keep himself from getting his heart broken he had to do it first, he had to be the one to pull the trigger. It seemed like the only logical decision. And now he had to live with the burden of killing anything good between them.

 

He didn’t cry. He didn’t feel entitled to, like it wasn’t deserved. the only thing Leo deserved to feel was deep regret and sorrow for how he made Neymar feel. But when Gerard came to his house sixteen days after the breakup Leo let everything loose. Pique came before breakfast when the sky was still dark, not even knocking he made himself at home waiting for Leo. 

They didn’t speak a word, pique just hugged him, both knowing that Leo ruined everything and was only holding himself together with pieces of string and glue like a poorly made kindergarten project. Leo finally gave in, he broke down and began babbling syllables that didn’t sound right and hiccuping between every couple words. He finally calmed down and Gerard stopped rubbing circles on his back. 

“Why’d you do it Leo?” the smaller boy couldn’t look him in the face so he settled for looking at his hands “I dunno. I guess I thought it would be easier like this. to break his heart before we got too connected, before there was too much feelings. I knew it would hurt less now than if it was down the line.” 

Gerard sighed, “I don’t know why you forced the relationship to fail though, I thought you guys were perfect together.” 

Leo smiled a little to himself, the first time in a while, “We were, weren’t we?” 

“Then why don’t you just go get him back, you both haven’t been the same since after the breakup and I know he still has feelings for you and you do too” Leo began to argue with him but gave up quickly, he knew that he didn’t live the same without him, like something was missing. 

“I’ll do it later,” Leo tried to ration, “Nope,” pique replied, standing up, “we’re going now.” with that, Pique shoved him in his car and began driving to Neymar’s house. 

“What am I going to say? What if he doesn’t want to see me? Wh-” 

“Leo shut up, we both know he’s in love with you and he’d forgive you for just about anything, stop worrying yourself.”

 

Leo soon found himself on Neymar’s front porch. He knocked, then waited as he heard the familiar voice call out to him to “hold on a sec,” and the padding of socks come towards the door. Leo held his breath as he heard the lock click and the door open quickly to reveal a shirtless Neymar. His face twisted to shock as they both stared at each other, neither being able to break the silence. 

Three words itched at the back of Leo’s throat, begging to be said. He knew everything would be easier if he just blurted it out, but there was also no coming back if he did say it. 

And maybe what he thought was right, that this could only end with eternal turmoil... but then again, that’s what love is. Isn’t it?


End file.
